From the by M.D. Fletcher |
December 2009 |
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Well, here we are, limping to the end of another tough year. And things are tough all over, except of course, for a few isolated pockets like the White House, Wall Street and the back of the out-going Mayor of Albuquerque's limousine. It even turns out that Dubai, the UAE showplace of artificial islands and spinning skyscrapers, is some $60 billion behind in their house payment. Now, many Americans are expressing their dismay (some even with a straight face) at the unthinkable plight of our Arab friends. These Americans are bemoaning the fact that product of the four bucks we were paying for a gallon of gas not long ago is suddenly in danger of foreclosure and repossession. Since nobody in their right mind really wants the place, repossession may prove to be problematic, but the prospect of that indoor Alpine ski resort melting down into a sad little puddle has got to bring tears to the eyes of jet-setters everywhere. I mean, times are tough. What we need now is Santa. That's right, Santa Clause, the Cringle with the Jingle, the Jolly Old Elf himself, to save the day. Fortunately, in order to lighten his burden, I have thoughtfully prepared a list of gift ideas appropriate for certain folks that Santa may wish to consider on Christmas Eve when he's loading up the sleigh. First things first, Santa might just fill up a great big jug of humility for our United Arab Emirate friends and sprinkle it liberally where they usually hang out, like London nightclubs. For President Obama, Santa perhaps should deliver a copy of Webster's Collegiate Dictionary where the President may discover you really shouldn't use the word "unprecedented" when whatever it is has been done or has happened before. I mean, it sounds good when he says it, (heck, everything sounds good when he says it) but lots of times it just isn't really the case. For Al Gore, Santa might consider delivering a snug little tea cozy for Al's Peace Prize to help ward off the increasingly bitter winter chill we've been experiencing for the past several years. |
Governor Bill Richardson, who is currently facing yet another significant reversal of fortune after engineering the decimation of the state's financial well being, would undoubtedly welcome Santa's assistance in securing an appropriately lucrative position in the Federal government where, unlike the real-life monetary constraints of his present job, he would thoroughly enjoy the advantages being able to completely ignore fiscal responsibility and just be himself. New Mexico State Senate leader Ben Lujan could really use Santa's help in arranging a political exorcisism in which Ben's internalization of the moral compass of Manny Aragon is replaced by that of the last New Mexico leader with a sincere, affectionate regard for the hard-working and long-suffering people he once governed, Bruce King. Now, if Santa could arrange a "twofer" for both Lujan and Richardson, all the taxpayers of New Mexico could consider that a wonderful Christmas present as well. Alas, given the imbedded difficulty of the task, that's a lot of heavy lifting, even for Santa. For all the eco-serious among us, Santa should carry a generous supply of sack cloth and ashes so that those enlightened folks may dress appropriately in their continuing and increasingly hysterical pursuit of environmental atonement. For the rest of us otherwise occupied in the less noble goals of feeding our families and keeping a roof over our heads, Santa should grant us the serenity of knowing our labors are not in vain and our sacrifices for the good of others are worthwhile contributions to the fabric of our society. If Santa could throw in a good measure of perseverance, that would be great. For all our military, Santa should convey our deep and abiding love, gratitude and respect for their uncommon courage, dedication, fidelity and honor. So there you have it, Santa. It's just a partial list, of course, and I'm sure you know better than anyone who's been naughty and who's been nice. But no more leaving coal in stockings, ok? We've apparently evolved way past that. |
